misplaced trust

Dear blog,

I have a confession to make. 

And it is about trust.

TRUST.

Years to earn, seconds to break.

I would like to be known as a trustworthy person. I don't judge people easily, and I hate when other people try to make me judge the others with all the 'non-appropriate' info. I will do my own judgement based on my own observation (if needed).

I had a friend which I met since I started working. I like her so much but as time goes by, it seems like she did not grow up. With so many attempts to make her realize this, but still to no avail, at the end I need to let her go and I myself had to move on.  I considered her as my friend even though we are not that close as before. Never in my mind she was a friend of different standard just because she is not in the same position (pangkat) as mine. A friend is a friend, no other label comes with it. That's my stand. 

"A friend in need, is a friend indeed."

Regardless all these, I always made myself available if she needs anything because I would like to be her 'in need' friend. It might sound cliche since I have withdraw myself from being an active friend of hers. But I was so clear with my intentions. Regardless all the things I hears and saw, my stand was still the same - to be her 'in need' friend because whatever happened to the others did not happened to me, she treated me as usual. I would like to be one she can turn to when there are no nobody else to turn to. To that extend.

But an incident a few months back made me re-think. Did I misplaced my trust?

With all my effort to do the best, it ended with her backbiting me. She said thing that I did not do. To be exact, she said I did not offer help along the journey we had together and me being bossy. I stayed awake along the journey to keep her company. I even clearly offered her to be the alternate driver, and even drove half way on our way back. But still to her, I NEVER helped. I can still tolerate this, but when she labelled me being bossy, that is SO absurd. Does all these while, she befriended me because of my position, not because me as who I am?? She should know me better, because she knew me the longest. I wonder..hhmmm...

Painful enough I was so disappointed. It's hard to face her with the same sincerity I had before.

I'm not perfect, I make mistakes too. But I don't put label towards my friends. I accept them just the way they are. I trust that they will not hurt me as I will not hurt them, because they are my sweethearts. If changes needed, it will be towards improvement/kebaikan. But I just can't trust her anymore..perhaps I have misplaced my trust. Goodbye then, you just downgraded yourself from a friend to an acquaintance. It's your loss, not mine.